making a difference. Justin Knabb's blog

My annual birthday letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

It's that time of year again: December 20... your birthday.  I have always looked forward to this day.  For starters, you, me, Dad and Tyler would always head to some fancy restaurant of your choice to celebrate.  Seven Stars was the most memorable spot.  I recall the candlelight dinner and the prime rib that would hang off the plate... I close my eyes and I can still feel and taste that particular night when we celebrated your 50th birthday together.  Those were great times.

But I especially looked forward to this day because of that inevitable look in your eyes as you opened my annual gift to you... a simple letter.  I knew you had it tough, having a birthday so close to Christmas.  And, in my case, what little money I had was already spent on your gifts to be opened just 5 days from now.  But, the selfless person you were, you never seemed to mind the fact that your birthdays tended to be more understated than other people's days of self-love.

But those letters... I'm forever glad those struck a chord with you.  You'd barely open the envelope and tears would already run down your face.  And mine.

Those were the times I realized how much I really was my mother's son.

I miss you so much.  You know, tonight I was listening again to one of my favorite talks online, and I thought of you.  The talk is from one of my heroes, Steve Jobs, and he is offering his commencement address to Stanford University graduates in 2005.  Here is one of the most poignant parts of his address:

My third story (of this talk) is about death. When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important thing I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

I especially love that last part: "We are already naked."  We are naked, we are vulnerable people, and yet we so often fail to acknowledge this as such.  Well, this online journal--this blog--I started, is one of the ways that I have begun to embrace this fact.  In just your short life--both the contents of it and the way it ended--you have acutely and profoundly encouraged me and so many to live a life full of grace and love and openness and honest-to-God caring.  In your nature and in mine, it is just hard to leave these traits open to compromise.

But Mom, how I've learned how crazy this world can be.  If you let it, the world can reap havoc on your mind, stomp on your dreams, and cause doubt and fear everywhere you turn.  Our economy is in shambles, people from all walks are constantly stressed, and even the future of the American Dream seems to be at stake.  It's a "dog-eat-dog" world; it's a "hold-no-prisoners" environment; it's a constant battle to have and keep an ethical, profitable, enjoyable vocation.

But Dad and I are trying with the family business.  And so far, so good.  I often hope that we are making you proud.  I really hope.

I have no doubt that Tyler would be making you very proud.  He earned a 4.0 in his first semester at college, just as I did.  He is also bound for Haiti in the summer to participate in a service initiative.  We're supporting him just the way you supported me when I went to Mexico for the first time.  And, while I would have seen it was Dec. 20 on the calendar by the morning, it was Tyler that reminded me of your birthday.  I know how much your life and mission has inspired his, and that gives me great joy.

We think of you so much, both consciously and subconsciously.

I think of you as I drive by your cemetery each day on my way to work.  I think of you as the silence fills the room in the morning.  I think of you as the melody of Frederic Chopin's "Prelude in e Minor" comforts my still-hurting soul. I think of you as I shop for food, as I eat spaghetti with a big spoon, and as I forget to hang up my laundry in an orderly fashion.  I remember you as I encounter people with lively, warm souls... I miss you as I deal with selfish men and caddy women... I miss you when I need your advice and support... and I thank you for the spirit you helped mold for me when the times do get tough.

You were such a terrific mother, and I thank God for you.  Please pray for me in 2009, and know that I pray for the day that we meet again.

Now THAT is a day that I really look forward to.

Happy 58th birthday.  I love you,

-Justin

Non-inspirational advice

I found this piece of advice from American painter Chuck Close on Time.com.  It goes against so much of how I've approached my vocation this past year... and, yet, he is so right.

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who'll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you're sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that's almost never the case."

 

Global warming

Al Gore's prophesy appears to be coming true.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/12/16/melting.ice/index.html

Peter Schiff and Euro Pacific Capital

Soon I'm going to start putting my money where my mouth is.  Dad has been telling me about this fellow, Peter Schiff, whom he sees on CNBC regularly.  Like T. Boone Pickens with energy, Peter Schiff seems to be one of the clearest, on-target investment minds out there right now.  Regarding the US economy, his forecasts are borderline apocalyptic, but he was already right in predicting our current recession and common sense tells me he'll be right about the "imminent" hardships ahead.

Here is a clip from his website on where his investment team stands on the US economy.  Scary, but likely to become true.

The U.S. Economy
We believe that the growing imbalances in the U.S. economy, its twin budget and current account deficits, its lack of domestic savings, and the erosion of its industrial base, have now reached a point where a severe recession, culminating in a substantial decline in the over-all American standard of living, is imminent. The Federal Reserve, Congress, and the President, for political expedience, are likely to continue seeking to delay this adjustment, unfortunately in ways which will exacerbate its severity, making the inevitable recession that much worse, and increasing the probability of a hyper-inflationary outcome, which would render the U.S. dollar, and all U.S. dollar denominated financial assets, practically worthless in terms of real purchasing power, potentially creating a situation of extreme financial, political, and social unrest.

The above forecasts are made with much regret, as we realize that they foretell significant hardships for millions of our fellow Americans. However, it is our mission to help spare as many of our countrymen as possible from suffering this fate. In fact, we feel that it is our patriotic duty to help as many Americans as possible to safely protect their wealth though the acquisition of foreign assets. It is only through such actions that at least some Americans will retain ownership of financial wealth which may be repatriated in the aftermath of the collapse. We remain hopeful that dire economic conditions will at least create a climate in which America can finally return to her constitutional traditions of sound money and limited government, providing a foundation upon which a sounder economy can one day be rebuilt. If out of the ashes of this collapse, the spirits of our founding fathers can rise again, it may one day be possible for America to reclaim her former glory, and once again be that shining city of which Ronald Reagan so eloquently spoke.